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The Report: Mother Nature Knows Best

That chemicals are total crap for your hide isn’t news, but even the most innocent-looking items can be loaded with them. Ingredients like dermal-drying agents, fragrances and oxy-6-whatchamacallit are basically multi-chemical bombs for your body. Unless self-sadism is your thing, why use products packed with the stuff? It’s time to go green with your regime.

1. Grown Alchemist Shampoo — While the idea of pouring black pepper in your hair may sound weird, it’s actually not. The ancient spice has been known to nourish and revitalize locks, leaving them lustrous as hell, while the added chamomile should take good care of any flakes. $52

2. Ursa Major’s 4-in-1 Essential Face Tonic — Grooming Fact #43: The stuff that makes most face cleansers foam is terrible for your skin, robbing it of its natural oils it uses as daily protection. It’s called sodium lauryl sulfate, but don’t worry, this stuff has none. On the plus side, it does have a ton of good stuff like green tea to fight free radicals and apple to help exfoliate. $26

3. Ren Skincare Flash Rinse 1-Minute Facial — Not to be substituted for an actual facial (because let’s be serious now), this vitamin C-enhanced lotion will rescue you from even the most blurry weekends out of town. Put some on thrice a week after washing. $58

4. Province Apothecary Sex Oil — Toronto brand Province Apothecary reminds us that being conscientious about sexytime matters. Here’s why: Where many lubricants contain irritating chemicals like glycerin and petroleum, theirs doesn’t. It does have some good old coconut oil, a dermal-hydrating champion. And you thought buying this kind of stuff meant having to go to that crazy sex store where people dance in the window all day. $28

5. Dr. Bronner Peppermint All-One Toothpaste — The debate over whether or not fluoride is bad may continue unabated, but these days there’s substantial evidence that proves its use being linked to thyroid problems and brain damage. Making the switch to a toothpaste that’s fluoride-free won’t hurt. Also, these guys never use artificial flavours or preservatives. $7

7. Triumph & Disaster Coltrane Clay — As hair gel breathes its last breath of relevancy, there’s never been a better time to invest in good styling stuff for your lid. Triumph & Disaster’s clay is perfect for a medium, matte hold that won’t make your mane shine like a cartoon character. And the beeswax found therein is great for creating volume. $38

8. Saje Sun Sense SPF 30 — For casual days in the sun, try this sunscreen from Saje. Don’t be discouraged by the “6% zinc oxide” part on the ingredients label; zinc oxide is still the best and most resilient compound to keep UV rays at bay. Plus the whole cancer-causing thing was disproved a while ago. $10

9. Suki Skin Care Hand & Body Lotion — You have no idea how many moisturizers have fragrances in them, and you don’t want to deal with that stuff because they can hold more than 14 toxic chemicals. You’ll want something like this instead, which has both lavender and sunflower oils to keep skin moisturized. $30

10. Lavett & Chin Shaving Lotion — When you think about shaving as the kind-of-insane act of scraping metal against your skin, it’s no wonder your mug needs a good layer of TLC to minimize any resemblance to butcher meat. For this, aloe vera works best (thanks to the derma-friendly vitamin e therein, among other goodies.) This lotion uses the legendary plant as its base ingredient. $32

11. Morihata Binchotan Charcoal Toothbrush — This is more than just a sexy-looking toothbrush. In fact, the Binchotan charcoal blended into this guy’s bristles does a couple incredible things. One, they produce negative ions which keeps the brush from growing any nasty bacteria; two, the charcoal itself actually staves off bad breath by absorbing germs. $10